The hardest part about going forward is not looking back

痛要痛到什么程度才算是有资格被安抚?
并不是我喜欢孤独，只不过我比较忍得住..

爱要爱到什么地步才能够 有资格去痛哭?
既然已经各走各路倒不如为单身而欢呼?

爱到结束差点忘了复原的天赋..
没人帮助，要懂得自己找药水和胶布..
难免回顾分手原来不是谁被谁辜负..
可惜了这幸福，我还值得被祝福?

给要给到入不敷出才知道爱的一塌糊涂..
既然没有更好出路，倒不如 转身鞠躬谢幕?

爱到结束 差点忘了复原的天赋
没人帮助 要懂得自己找药水和胶布
难免回顾 分手原来不是谁被谁辜负
可惜了这幸福
我还值得 被祝福

爱让我们变得比单身愚笨，也让我们拥有从未的完整..
问也不问就越陷越深..
如果不是那个吻，那年会更冷.:/

相信变成了某种特殊天分，缘分只是自欺欺人的天真！
想念总是在夜里狂奔，特别想他着魔的眼神.><

好难得你遇见了对的人，

难得你很认真不想太多去奋不顾身；

好难得 你爱上了对的人，

可惜他不是你的可能

我们都曾以为爱就像清晨.. 
原来最难挨过的竟是黄昏.><
我们都爱过某个诗人，可是诗人也是平凡人....

好难得我们遇见了对的人，
难得好几辈子的好运才有机会完成..
好难得我们爱上了对的人，就算他不是到最后的人也祝他更勇敢爱别人......

音乐停止了，引擎熄火了，窒息的温柔，尖锐得赤裸..
一刀一刀往我心上割，往伤口里戳，那么折磨，为了什么?

再痛的痛苦泪水换不回 一点点感动，我不怪你不是你的错..
再深的深情容忍也不能让你再爱我，我不怪你不是你的错..

我的世界没有你，也许更辽阔..
就到这里 错了又如何......?

很想就这样磨掉过去的回忆，可是我做不到..

越是想逃避，越是要忘记，越是想放下，就越记得，还拼命地提醒...

Is this a psychology or something?

The more I tried to keep things aside, the more I make myself busy, it doesn't help.

I just can't move on.

是对我的折磨么? 因为过去我对你的不好?

如果这样你比较好受，那我只好承受这一切...

多希望我们的承诺可以继续实行..

多希望累了的时候，有你在身旁...

还记得你说我们要快乐...
每当我笑了，心却是狠狠地哭..
请你给我一个忘记的理由...
曾经那么爱我的你，给我一个理由放弃..
当时做的决定，到底是为什么?
为什么这么突然?
为什么这么坚决?
到底是为什么?

有些爱，越想抽离，越更清晰..
而最痛的距离是你不在身边，却深藏在我心里...:/
当我走在我们曾经去过的每个地方时，总会想起以前的我和你..

很害怕有一天当我们碰面，你会忘了我...

就这样擦肩而过...

你会认得我么5年后?

你还记得我是你的初恋么?

你还会记得我们曾经的承诺么?

现在都不敢奢望再爱上一个人，因为爱很难..

因为很痛苦..

我怕..

我担心会重蹈覆辙..

我没有以前的勇气了...

Strive for progress, not perfection.

I was trying out the easiest yet prettiest presentation page~ But I couldn't paste it on blog. So I just have to recopy the same thing here.:/ Do take a look and try this! It's easy to create your own presentation now.(: You can even add videos, background music to makes your presentation looks better and nicer!

Come and view my first presentation! TEEHEEE :P
http://prezi.com/rp4ph3zwv2h1/present/?auth_key=0pg90ag&follow=alntra7zhjvy&kw=present-rp4ph3zwv2h1&rc=ref-45874761#122_20166879

*If you have read the presentation, there's a slight difference from my blog.*

The weather has been really hazy. All you can see is just gloomy and dim skies. Malaysia has been mostly covered by thick smog (except Sabah and Sarawak). You hardly can see the view of KL.:/ It has been like this for several days, yet, it hasn't been better.): Instead, it has become worst. Worst worst then everrr!!! Klang which is the area that caught the most smog, it headed to 400++ API. It's super duper dangerous for health. 


*P/S reminder to all Malaysian's, you are require to put on mask to avoid getting sick.

For the past 2 weeks, I was really busy with my midterms which I usually known them as tests. I don't know what happened to me, but.. My mind doesn't seems to work properly. I have no spirit to go college, I have no motivation to study...etc I feel like I'm like a zombie. Going to college for the sake of my attendance. I have no idea what's going on with me. Well, frankly speaking, I even doubt my ability of taking up accounting course. I'm so lost that I don't even know what should I do next.>< I haven't been putting effort in my studies nor other activities. I'm just living decadently day by day. At this point of time, I felt so worthless and helpless. Don't know where should I start, how should I start or maybe what should I start with.@@ Papers have been returned to us, and obviously, the 'no-effort-given' will result as 'low-marks-getting'. HAIZ. I felt so ashamed facing people. Now, the super low-esteem, I hardly can get rid.:/ My results embody how I have been living decadently for the past months. Feel like screaming 'WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW???' The very first step is always the key point that leads to the end. Whether to succeed or not it matters with the first step and the overall effort. 

Ya Qin and I have decided to start our revision right after she's back from Korea trip. Wish her all the best for her press conference there representing Malaysia for 'The Face Shop' product.(: To ensure myself to have consistent revision, I create a study plan which I strongly thinks that it might help. *HOPEFULLY* [I wanna have the burning       fire in me which I used to have those days for accounting.]



Our first SBFF gang trip was last year December, went to Penang. So long already... should really plan something out to spend together at least. Since cheeng has settled down, we are going to look for her next year!!! Here we come Beijing~

Was looking through some of my photos last week because I wanted to tag my drama coach. Then I saw these pictures! AWWW. I miss drama so much!!! All my lovely members who participated in my drama I felt really honored and blessed being with you guys. The hard work has paid off and I'm really proud to have you guys accompanying me during the hard times. I know how strict and fierce I was towards you guys. I'm really sorry about that. But I'm thankful that how you guys been doing so well in the show. And that gave us a really big affirmation which is the certificate and prizes. The best actor and actress, best directors, best drama performance, best script..etc. It's all worthwhile.(: Thankiewww!!! :D

Last week celebrated mom's birthday with le two cousin sisters in Soho KL, Mont Kiara Solaris. Had our favorite Korean cuisine. Highly recommended --- Apgujeong. There's a few famous Korean restaurant located at Solaris. Such as Daorae, Little Korea, Bonga..etc They are all thumbs up!!!                            If you love korean food, give it a try!(: Time spend with families and friends are awesome the best moment! Promote a little bit of Apgujeong. The service there is good. Side dishes are unique.:3  Here are some photos of the ladies!!

Coincidentally bumped into 2 girls yesterday while I was on my way to meet Debbie. Guess who? Teck Kuan's cousin sis. Before he left, how I wish I can bump into him and at least take a few seconds to stare at him, but.. it didn't happen. The day you leave, I thought, the very least you would text me a message and let me know that you are leaving. I waited, but none of a message I received was from you. The disappointments.. If avoiding me is what you want, fine then. I'll wait till the day you wanna talk to me. 

One of the best korean songs I've ever listened. I really wish time travels back. I wish we can start all over again. I wanna erase the hurts I have done to you. I wish everything is pleasant. I wish we were back together. There's many 'I wish'.. But you have told me many times that you are not going to turn back. ): Not even once? Holding on to this hope because I believed there is miracles. As long there is hope, there is a future. Isn't? Fake hopes are hopes too. I believed as time passes, things would be alright. Should make a video of me playing this song someday.(: Stay tuned. 


A song dedicate to you though I know you might not read my blog anymore.

xoxo

If you are facing a hard decision, try to flip a coin coz when the coin is in the air, you'll suddenly know what you're hoping for.

#01 a funny result potrait. HAHAHA

Tuan!! Why you took it so seriously??? HAHAHAHA funny weih you. How do I dare to stole you from Puan. HAHA well, it was just plainly a random result from facebook. Please don't take it personally. Btw, hope to see you soon since you will be back on 17th which is TODAY! :D

#02 ootn for le teatime performance. I missed my drama days!!!! Preparation for teatime and stuff...:/

Went for a drama competition last Friday. I missed drama a lot!!! Missed those hectic days where I used my time only for DRAMA!!! Preparation for script, preparing props, acting rehearsal again and again, stayed up late night just to think where it went wrong...etc The hard work, the bonding, the moment.. I missed!!! :/ I can flashback those moments where I felt really proud of myself and my team members! You guys really did an awesome job! <T.WE> that was our act's name. Creativeeee :3 And yea, the story truly enough was about television. HAHAHA I wanna re-watch it!!! With that performance, I got the best director~ WEEHEEEE :P That are the memories you couldn't wipe off~ It's meaningful and it was part of my life. 

#03 on the way back to dad's hometown + few shots with le groofie! HAHA kinda stupid i know... HEHE:3

Well, not to focus on my cleavage though I know it's rather bones than cleavage laaaa.. HAHAHA pretend it is!!! HAHAHA>< The 'waaaa! Groofie lehhh' expression makes me feel so childish...@@ HAHAHA but, yea, I'm just being myself. Being like a kid is much better. At least you have no worries. Nothing to care much besides eat and sleep...@@

#04 sum up the day. (Last saturday)

Le very cute nephew's 1 year old birthday~~~ CUTEEEE :3 I told him I'll wait for him till he grow up then I'm going to marry him!!! HAHAHAHA stupid..>< 

#05 me in the hospital, visited an uncle of mine after his brain surgery. #MAYGODBLESSYOU

Went to visit cousin sister's dad. He got a tumour in his brain due to the cancer cell spread from his lung. OMG. Doctor said he's not going to live long...>< Haiz. Life is just short enough.

Well, I know my photo doesn't suit the whole situation, but.. let's think positive. HEHEHE :3

#06 playing with effects. :D

Trying out with cool effects. I realize those people very pro ehh can design those special effects~ Me without using computer then can edit photos!!! AWESOME~(Y) coz my computer skills SUCKS HELL! LOL 

#07 outfit for the musical performance. -___________- hmphh!! other's wore so formal, like attending some prom or wedding function...>< but me..@@

 Wearing a white floral sky blue dress, looking like a young lady. HEHEHE the feminine side of me~ TEEHEEEE :P

#08 a beautiful father's day night filled with sweet voices singing Teresa Teng's songs! BRAVOOOO!!! (:

A video from ask.fm, sort of Q&A session and about the prank called.:X HAHAHA

So I assumed this is the day where you longed for yet I'm avoiding for.. Such big contrast. But I know I couldn't do anything besides letting it go. After today, everything is gonna be a new start to you and to me. :/ 

xoxo

Each second that passes another moment to turn it all around.

Part I - weekends getaway to Port Dickson.

#01 The apartment view --- The Regency, Port Dickson. 4 Bedrooms.

#02 Day 2 ootd.

#02 Jumped shot 2. :3

#04 Le me in floral white long dress.<3

#05 Jumped shot day 3.

#06 posing here and there. 

#07 you hardly can see such beautiful scenery in the city.:P

#08 Last day, yet well spent in the beach.(:

#09 I love the breeze that blew my hair messy~ *shuuuuu*
Random videos for PD trip:

Part II - weekends getaway to Janda Baik

#10 My pretty shadow!!! :3

 #11 Organic Farm in Janda Baik

#12 Le sis and I!! :D

#13 A place where i wish to stay called heaven.(: With love, peace and harmony.

Video for JB:

Some random photos for the past weekdays.

Summary for my past 2 weeks.

Life has been pretty hard on me since the beginning of the year. I don't know why, but I think God is trying to mold me I guess...? Things weren't going smoothly and I'm not really fine as I seemed to be on the surface. I'm so done weeping my heart out over someone who chose to walk away from my life. I have lost someone who was once so dear to me, but all in a sudden, I have nothing left about you. Not even a single news from you.:/  Guess hitting rock bottom is just one of the many setbacks you'd have to face in life before you get back up become even stronger than before.

Really tension with those scary driving lessons though I had only 4 lessons.@@ Why driving so difficult? I felt really tension + stress while driving. My arms and hands are stiff. I can't even listen what my coach talked...>< Damn lost....T.T HAHAHAHA Bear with my very blur attitude. HEHEHE :3 I can imagine how much effort he needs for me compared to others just to teach me some driving skills. Guess I increased some of his white hair...>< *I'm really sorry* Tomorrow is going to be my exam day!!! GOSHHHH~~~ Such scary moments.... I just couldn't imagine how tomorrow is going to end up....:/ *GODBLESSME-GODBLESSME-GODBLESSME* I presumed I'll have a sleepless night...): The nervous-ness...etc OMGGGG.. I'm having a stomach cramp...>< *trying to calm myself down* *heart beats faster when the time draws closer*

I just realized people used to be very important in my life started leaving one by one... They are heading somewhere they plan/wish for their future benefits... Well, I'm gonna graduate as well next year, so there is nothing to envy about. HAHAHAHAHA Isn't easy to study.. Yet, it's not too tough. I don't aim high, but I have certain expectations for myself. Never ever look down on my ability! I play hard, but at the same time, during exam period, I do part, I study hard!!! You don't play, it's your choice, please don't judge my lifestyle!


Browse through 'see friendship' from Facebook.
And I saw this about us.:/

"Charmaine Kok 穗祺posted toTeck Kuan Low

October 23, 2012

happy 1 year anniversary!!!!!!!!
OMG.
time passes really really fast~~~
we started like few days ago..
HAHAHA
remembered Nydeaa Tan and Yoong Sue Ann was there...@@
LOL
OMG.
SPM were over...
your finals are ahead...
then you will be heading to overseas..
WOW!!!
everything just come so fast.....
or my pace too slow sia....???
HAHAHA
till now, my heart is still beating so so so fast when i wanna see you...
when i know i'm gonna meet you for breakfast or lunch or dinner or movie or even just a short hi and bye session...
1 year is nothing long coz i'm waiting for many 1 year to go!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your LOVE  since PRIMARY DAYS!!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
♥♥♥
and i believe it will never fade?
HAHAHA
till we get marry...
till we have our children...
till we get old...
and till we die?
(:
LOVE YOU BABY!!!
♥♥♥"

We were once having lots of promises. But it didn't happen.

xoxo

The. Extraordinary. Has. Risen.

#01 random quotes

I never has this sleeping problem anymore. Ever since I started my new semester. Guess I'm too tired or perhaps I'm too active in school, I think I've been full used of my energy, that's why back home totally in a 'zzzzz' mode. HAHAHAHA 

A reminder to all my beloved friends, try not to phone me after 10pm coz I'll be in my sweet dreams(mostly)!! HAHAHA Sorry. But if it's urgent, do send me a text message and I'll reply you the very next day.(: HEHEHE :3

#02 The SBFF gang.(:

#03 Lunch with le SBFF at Brotzeit. DAYUMM!!! nom nom nom~~~

#04 all my sweety pie.♥ ♥ ♥ 

#05 TMF & SBFF ♥ 

#06 The Most Gentle-lady I've ever encounter! HEHEHEHEHE :3

#07 The simplest happiness yet the most blissful moment! ♥ ♥ ♥ 

#08 People used to say we look like twins. Do we still look the same? HAHAHA

#09 Never will have things that can separate you guys from me. 

#10 we will never miss a single moment to eat!

#11 And we'll never let go a chance to capture the greatest moment! ♥ 

#12 take a glance of the hair saloon. Kinda fascinating.(:

#13 With my new haircut. :D SHORT & STEADY! HEHEHE :3

A pretty 'on-going' week for me. HAHAHAHA So we FINALLY had a farewell party for the beloved SBFF- Shook Cheeng before she leaves to China, Beijing. The SBFF gang even planned to visit after she settle down in Beijing. HAHAHAHA XP Probably next year??? HOPEFULLY la. HEHE :3 Had tasty lunch together!!! HEHEHE :3 Have a try in this German cuisine! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! http://brotzeit.co/midvalley/ It's located at G floor, right next to Spagetti. Same row as Delicious, Seed Cafe, police station, Maybank. HEHEHE ♥ Treat yourself a good meal after a whole day/week of stress and exhaustion. MUAHAHAHAHA Good food is always the best way to encourage yourself! (For me laaa...) Being blessed with a bunch of really good friends. 
What are friends to me?
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 

• Fight for you. 
• Respect you. 
• Include you. 
• Encourage you. 
• Need you. 
• Deserve you. 
• Stand by you.

I came across this very true quote, saying that 'Love is blind but friendship closes its eyes.' HAHAHAHA That's why they can stand me for many years. HAHAHA ♥ Friendship isn't about being inseparable, it's about being separated and still knowing nothing will change our relationship. No matter how far we will be apart, our hearts are still being together, as ONE!

 I think best friends are the ones who have been through what you’ve been through. They understand where you’re coming from and where you’re going. It’s always a challenge to stick by a friend who’s making choices we disagree with and are sometimes even dangerous, but it’s at these times that our friends need us most. 

I believe for the years to come, we'll still be so close, so lovely, so adorable! HEHEHE :3 I LOVE YOU GUYS LOTS!! ♥ ♥ ♥ 

The very next day, Sunday! Went for a hair treatment. Indeed, I preferred scalp treatment. After that shorten my hair again. HEHEHE I think I look much younger.. yeayea?? * SAY YES even if it's not* HAHAHAHA :D I like the hairstylist~~~ She's soooooo passionateee!!! Hmmm... I think I'll go for her again for my next hair cut/ hair dye... etc 

Got praised from friends around me saying that my nails are pretty!!! YAY!!! HAHAHAHA First time evarrr!!! HEHEHE :3 If you know me, you would have understand. HAHAHAHA 


Hey! I don't know what happened with me, but I'm very addicted with video recording. HAHAHA talking about lame things. HEHEHE :3 Something special for my blog! MUAHAHAHA :P Enjoyyy :D

 Judge me and I’ll prove you wrong. Say I’m not worth it and watch where I end up. I’m me and I won’t change for anyone.

xoxo

With you guys, I can always be weak, be myself.(:

#01 Act like a pro.. Eventually we failed..@@

#02 my favorite restaurant since ages ago.. HAHAHA 'DING TAI FUNG' :3

#03 Craziest laugh ever!!! :D 

#04 love within us!

#05 the serious look of us. HAHAHA 

#06 the best combination of us~

#07 come have some dessert! FOOD TIME!!!

#08 W.E.= With you are Everything.(:

#09 hmmmm... can I say the pretty 3? HAHAHA

#10 a farewell gift to her!! <3 Memories of us since sec 1~

#11 The ugliest part of us. HAHA

#12 Moo Cow for dessert.@@ Fat. Yet we ate like a cow...-_____-

#13 The best moment in life is spending time with you guys!!!

Yipeee!!! Everything is settled and I'm now having a good mood to blog! HAHAHA One day apart, yet it's a really big difference. My mood swing is totally crazy! Changed any second, any time.>< WEEEHEEEE :3

I have been struggling whether to stay in my group or to switch to another group. To me, friends have always been playing the most important role in my life. I am those kind of people that couldn't live without friends. SERIOUSLY! Things have changed, even people as well. I desperately wanna leave because everything seems not right. I can't stand that atmosphere. I can't stand that face expression. After an hour + of talking and sharing in the car, I felt really better than ever. Blushed out everything, cried..etc OHH YEAHHH! That feeling of relieved you just can't use words to describe. Thank God I got to change the group.. I seriously can't stand any longer. It's gonna kill me slowly.@@ Okay, just forget about sad stories. Shall look forward now since I've already changed my group. A new start!!! YEAHHH~ I FEEL GOOD~~~

Saturday:

Let's go back to last week. So, Saturday. I spent my beautiful weekend with these two little lovelies!! OHH MAN! All I have to say is, we will always stay strong in our friendship. They are the best of the best among all friends. HEHEHE ❤❤❤ TADAAA!!! A birthday celebration for the world best friend of mine --- Kimmy! Is never easy to have long lasting relationship. We've been through so much so much, yet nothing can tear us apart. Our friendship is like bricks and mortar, peanut and butter. At times, we might quarrel or have fights, but we go through it, we resolve them. Thank you so much for being there for me since sec 1. I can't imagine months or years without you if someday I'm leaving to UK for my studies.:/ I guess I'm going to cry like hell weihhh..T.T 

We had pool in the morning due to the 'don't-know-how-to-waste-time' situation. HAHAHA Well, it was Kim's first attempt. And all I have to say is... she has no gene for sports. HAHAHA But, we had fun even we are not good at it. We enjoyed the time being spent, not the result of the game. Ding Tai Fung for lunch. Then movie with le 2 of them, Kim & Cheeng.(: IRON MAN 3~~~ *thumbs up* Then then... tea time at Board Riders. Uhmm... not bad as a comment. HAHAHAHA The main point is not about having high tea, but about the camwhore session!!! HAHAHA I guess we were a little too embarrassing. HAHAHA >< There's a couple kept on staring at us...@@ What laaa..!! Take photos only mahhh... We talked craps, we shared stories, we shared our lives, we shared happiness...etc. For the past first week of college has not been a good week, but I'm really thankful for being able to meet up with them and that lightens up my day. With them, my mind totally erased the part where things I'm not happy about. Be with them is always stress-free.

Last week & this week:
A brand new week. Hmmm... I've been spending lots of time with Ya Qin for these 2 weeks. Guess what we do during our leisure time? Or maybe when we skip classes...? HEHEHE :3 We went for pool. Almost everyday...@@ HAHAHAHA even the owner recognize us.. (-.-) LOL Went for shopping, makan, pool, swimming..etc HAHAHAHA so fast, so close. HAHA AMAZING! I remember our first conversation..>< It was embarrassing. But probably that's a pretty good first step. We ended up being good and close friends! HEHEHE :3 

Monday: 
Facial treatment. A gift for my mom. We had the facial treatment for only 1.5 hours.. LOL it stated 3.5 hours...@@ Kinda got cheated.>< But it was good!!! HAHAHA the face blushing, shinning bright, fairer( jkjk), got *toink-toink* sound.. HAHAHA 

Tuesday:
Gym with Thien in the morning. Dinner with one of my closest classmate in group 2. We were stuck in the traffic after our class at 6pm. As you know, KL starts traffic jam at this horrible hour because it's after work.@@ Plus, raining like cats and dogs, that's why we stucked for almost 2 hours...>< Guess where we had for dinner? HEHEHE :3 DTF again!!! HAHAHAHA no choice, it's my favorite. HEHE :3

Wednesday:
My first tutorial class in group 1. HAHAHA get to be in the same group with Ya Qin. We damned excited and happy!!! Thinking that we can skip class together, shopping, movie, pool, hang out after class makes us crazy! HAHAHA guess it's worth it making this decision, left them and start fresh.(: Pool again after class.@@ HEHEHE :3 I was so excited for my first driving lesson today, but my coach suddenly cancelled!!! Eikzzz...>< Excitement dropped! :/ HAHAHA but it's still a good day for today! 

The upcoming plans for this month:
*17/5 --- First driving lesson

*18/5 --- Farewell party for Cheeng
          --- Sis baptism

*19/5 --- Hair treatment

*20/5 & 22/5 --- Golf with le new classmates

*24/5-26/5 --- Port Dickson trip

I'm not sure whether I'm a little too sensitive or what, but every time when I saw some status you posted or maybe some photos you shared, it's like referring to me though Chinese used to say, 不要对号入座. Somehow, I felt it's me..@@ How hurtful to see this post, 'if you see your ex with a guy, don't get jealous because your mom said you must share your old toys to people'. WOW. That's a very straight forward post. No matter you still love me or not, I'll still wanna let you know, I'm waiting for you.

xoxo