It’s a process. It’s a process. It’s a process. Changes take time.

See how lifeless i am. HAHA well, it's my working day actually. but i had a period pain. really very very pain, at first. so i didn't want to go to work. plus, i'm lazy as well.(this is the main factor i guess..) HEHE hmm.. i quit my job, topshop. i guess.. it's finally quitting it? been dragging since last year coz i miss my colleagues and the new arrivals!! HAHA but what makes me to make this decision it's because i saw my new timetable. it gave me a shocked coz i need to study from morning till late afternoon.): hmm.. another busy semester though it's a short sem. 4/2/2013-24/3/2013. LOL had this very stupid test on facebook. the first was about my love and the second one was my career. yea, so, i'm meant to be an accountant??? HAHAHA so i took the right decision, study-ing the right course? HAHAHA i love the last sentence. 'THOSE BORN ON THE 23RD EXCEL IN ANY JOB INVOLVING COMMUNICATION'. MUAHAHAHAHAHA waaaa~~~ HEHEHE :3 yeap!!! i'm super passionate.. no wonder tears drop easily...@@ 

They double my joy and divides my sorrow

we are just being-so-us! HAHA had a little short time spent with both of them after my work. it was so amazing! HEHE we are too dramatic coz we were from the drama club!!! MUAHAHAHA :D both my presidents! HEHE in the year of 2010 & 2011.(: had a good meal at gardens, thai cuisine! IT'S DELICIOUS sia..@@ HEHE wondering why not many customers? hmm.. should promote abit! HAHA the price is reasonable.(: at 3rd floor, two stores away from sushi zanmai~ if you love spicy food, highly recommended!! (thumbs up!) talk-walk-camwhoring..etc what we used to do.. HAHA :P then we had a drink at gong cha! well, i drink almost everyday.>< making business for gong cha. HAHA should be a member!(: ishhh!!! my horrible face! having a pimple on my cheek!!! BISHHHH!! i wanna get rid of it..>< aiks..@@ shall spend more time before you go back to aussie! as well, you, princess frog! before you are back to your busy schedule..>< 

xoxo

Lost one, but I gained more!!

 #01

 #02

 #03

 #04

 #05

 #06

#07

life still goes on. HAHA my lovely colleagues!!! they are sooooo adorable and friendly. having them while working is always an awesome thing coz i'll never get bored! HAHA having lots of fun there! HEHE <3  gonna miss nigel(#03) a lot coz he's going to leave malaysia very soon. )': byeee! one of my favorite colleagues! i'll miss you~~~ i promised! i'll visit you next year! HEHE go Gold Coast together! and celebrate my birthday as well!!! MUAHAHAHA :3 

someone stole my face to snap a photo. HAHA jkjk sharing lots of stories to each other recently. HEHE so friend liawww!!! HAHA <3 girls talk here and there, everyday!! HAHA fitting room is our 2nd home currently~! :D HAHA shhh.. 

thanks lovely!!! Debbie is always so thoughtful and caring~ had a little cupcake made from her to cheer me up. special dedicated to me. HAHA she wrote my name!!! HAHAHAHA AWWW so sweet!!!! really touched! <3 i feel so loved! :3 thanks babe!(: 

hmm... weekends are my favorite coz no one needs to wake me up~ having a little over diet these days. don't know what happen with my stomach.. stomach always shouting for food.@@ can always hear voices coming out from my tummy..>< ishhh!! it irritates me!!! :X i think.. i.. gained.. 5kg...!!!@@ don't dare to stand on the weighing machine. ): coz it embarrassed me. :S chocolate, ice-cream, instant noodles, cakes..etc have been my companion.@@ HAHAHAHAHAHA fats!!!! should get those things with the sign, "FAT-FREE" not free-fat please!!!

don't know what happen to my hair these days, soooo messy!!! it frustrates me! damn dislike my hair!!! why cannot straight aaa?!??@@ gek sei me!!! AAHHHHH!!! has no choice but to use this velcro thing to tidy up my hair.@@ that bad leon from topman.. hurt me..>< called me VELCRO LADYYY!!! wth...@@ LOL 

hmm.. was planning since last year to go singapore coz i wanna buy my 2013 calendar book from kikki.)': was a little busy, haiz. so i made myself a calendar book. heh, not bad also laa.. handmade lehh.. priceless!! MUAHAHAHA :P gonna make my 2013 busy, busy, busy but memorable! coz i start fresh, i start new.

trying to avoid isn't a good way. coz in the middle of the night, you have no choice, but to face them. i'm trying my best to embrace the worst, and welcoming the best.(: life never been easy coz we are meant to grow! i'm sorry for being so mean. yea, i am. always wanted not to hurt you, but don't know why me so crazy, still hurting you. guess i'm a crazy lady?! HAHA duhh.. let it be. coz i am. SINCE YOUNG! HAHAHAHA

praxis VS fantasy

 wanna dye my hair this way!!! a mixture of purple, blue, indigo! OH YEAHH!! that's pretty cool! HAHAHA naww, but i'm not as pretty as katy perry.. so yea, i guess the sequel wouldn't be same. HAHA 

 my mistake. it wasn't in ss2. HAHAHA it was at chinatown. HAHA i love eating love letters!!! can't wait for my CNY to come!!! AWESOMEEEE :D 

don't know why, my eyes had been getting smaller and smaller recent days.. yer.. it's like.. anchovies..@@ HAHA 

guess what, i love working in topshop now. not because of the pay. well, unfortunately, my pay hasn't been increase, is still the same. as little as poop. so yea, i love it coz i met a bunch of new staffs. they are just sooooo adorable and lovable. being with them everyday it's like a new day for me. they are like little kid, having naive mindset. we are all monkeys!!! PLAYFUL yet ADORABLE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA :P some little actions can just make you laugh for the entire day. working has been a motivation for me. at least not just staying at home, doing nothing, dragging my precious time, thinking negatively.. etc it was hard to prove yourself to be strong in front of others. pretended like nothing has happen is totally not easy. COOL AND STEADY is my quote for now! 

ever since that day, everyday seems to be a MONDAY BLUE to me (during the night, after work). well, should i say it's fortunate that everything ended here...? at least you don't need to endure so much pain from me..? i know i am a trouble to you, a troublemaker! i know i can't offset what i have done to you from the past. all i wish for you is, you can meet a girl you really fall for. not like me, hurt you all the time. thank you for standing all of my bad attitudes and characters. i know how spoilt i am.

i thought we can last forever! like fairy tale.. cinderella, snow white, beauty and the beast, mermaid..etc aren't they having a happily ever after life when they met their prince? a few posts before this, i wrote about us. photos of us. story of us. poems of us. at one point of time, i really thought of our future. a future where only you and i. sad to say, yea, we couldn't get through. we ended. without any hesitation. the story of us ended here. it's another new chapter for me to refresh and restart everything new. it's easy to say, but when you have to face it and go through it, it's not as easy as ABC.

well, life still goes on. this is our destiny i guess.

Dreams 

If I'm given 3 wishes

1. I wanna press on the restart button. We can start all over again.

2. I wish I am a tinkerbell, having a fairy wand with me. No sads, no stress. Only happiness would have exist.

3. I wish I can be like Cinderella. Live a happily ever after life.


Well, I know it's impossible. That's why it stated that IT'S JUST A DREAM! Coz dream won't exist in real life.)':

I read your blog
Though it's only a 7 posts blog
I read
Read again and again

All those memories
Are sealed in my heart
2 days later
Thought will have another monthsary

Well
It's the past
I shall never look back
COZ THE FACT WILL NOT CHANGE

决定

很多事情不由得自己去决定
唯能说的就是一切随缘
有则来，无则去

坚决挽回好像是种错误
因为到头来发现傻的是自己
执着的也是自己

虽然不容易
也不知道可以撑多久
更不知道自己要用多长的时间放下

当对方已经是一种依靠、一个信赖、一种习惯
不能说放就能放
因为习惯，所以无法改变
就算要改，拿捏的时间不短

我并没有这么坚强
更没有你想象中的潇洒自如

或许我们走在一起太快了
到现在，很多事情都还被蒙在鼓里
什么都不愿告诉彼此

是信任不够
还是心里面并没有对方的存在
这一切还重要么

哈哈哈哈哈哈
笑是最好的掩饰方式
因为不知道该说什么
更不能天天以泪满面吧

四年
感觉不太长
可是对于要面对的人很不一样
因为
度 日 如 年

现在发觉
很多事情，知道的越少越好
因为
知得多，伤心的只有自己
那又何苦呢

往往当你感觉这世界很美好的时候
它
突然阴暗了
不知道为什么
觉得很像虚幻的

哭得我眼泪都干了
却无能为力
只能接受
只能祝福
只能痛在心
装作毫不在乎

以前的承诺
已成历史
更是过去
没有必要抉择

多么希望自己可以达成六年来的愿望
20岁结婚
眼看20岁就在眼前
可是
一切并不是那么完美
童话故事
原来是不存在的

结婚已经不在我的思考范围了
它
只是我
从前
单纯
无知
愚蠢
的一种想法

我的理念是错的
感情并不能长跑
更不能远距离

拿得起放得下
说倒容易
做时难
但愿我的振作
重新面对这一切


因为短距离都有问题了
何况遥远得我们





在自欺欺人

a week of well-planned activities

 #01 

#02

#03

#04 in the cable. my legs were shivering coz i'm afraid of heights.><

#05 once we reached the theme park! EXCITEMENT!!!

#06 fun, scary, tiring, stimulating

#07 here we are! LONDON in malaysia! TEEHEE:p spot who's the driver~ HAHAHA

#08 the very cold weather!!! my lips turned PURPLE! 

#09 before leaving theme park, took some few funny shots! LOVE <3

#10 last picture of the week! sing k with le drama friends! don't know why, take photo through in front using iphone, really sucks..>< blur daooo...@@

#01 summary of day 1

#02 summary of day 3

#03 summary of day 4
#04-#09 photos during genting trip
#10 summary of day 5

my first day of holiday was well spent! HEHE went for a movie, then had a short time spending with my lovely TMF at starbucks.(: well, i'm glad that you willing to sacrifice few hours to listen to all my complain-ings, nag-ings and whine-ings. HAHAHAHA you know, you are always the so call 'counselor' to me. HEHE thank you for being my best listener! <3 after some talks, we had dinner with nydeaa at bulbogi brothers. well, it's a pretty good korean cuisine consider most of the korean cusine i've tried in midvalley la. sad..)': everyone is leaving so soon. haiz. nydeaa leaving to kampar, ipoh. tk leaving to aus, sydney. cheeng leaving to china, beijing. most of my high school friends going to taiwan..)': pity me still in malaysia.>< how i wish i can finish my advance diploma, so i can be in UK now!!! OMG.

well, my day 2 was simply boring and very boring. woke up 8am.. then laze around my bed, twist and turned.. HAHA.. then fell asleep again till 5pm.. so that was my day.>< oh, i did something. i went to visit my grandma. HAHA wasted my day by just sleeping for the entire afternoon.@@ at night, had a very long talk with le bf. was about something sensitive. well, LDR isn't something easy for me. even when you were in aus only for a week.  everything i have said that night was the truth. i was really disappointed, but at the same i was glad and appreciate your honesty. it was hurtful because even you liked me for so many years, your heart can changed so easily. even only for that very very short moment. but it really hurts. i don't know what i can hold on to. the distance is just so far apart. thousand miles isn't easy to keep us contact though how advance the technology is. we have different goals, targets, interest. we have nothing in common. seriously! if our destiny isn't meant to be, then we just have to let go. everything comes by FATE. if it isn't yours, don't force. just let it be.

day 3
Was well planned going up to genting with classmates. but i'm sorry, it was my bad. the last minute call off-ed. haiz. i'm really sorry. it was all my fault. i'm really really sorry.): as genting trip was cancelled, then i continued my beauty sleep. HAHA from 10am till 2.30pm. HEHE yea, my holidays are meant to be sleeping only.@@ as you know, i'm not really a person that can stand boredom. so called my friends for pool. as it was kinda last minute, so only a few of us. i missed playing pool.>< though my skill sucks.>< I KNOW! YAY! met the beautiful hair guy and his gf! SUKESH & CRYSTAL! HEHE awww, they are soooo sweet! HEHE :D then we went to take a look of the cheer practice in subang. the earliest time i've ever reached home. it was 9.45pm if i'm not mistaken. HAHA

yea, mum set lots of house rules these days. hanging out no later than 10.30pm. at home, lights will be off at 11pm, everyone has to get to bed on time.): and a lot more.@@ why-my-parents-so-strict? 

i didn't know you were like this. i mean.. whatever. you haven even leave, but you already said those things?! WHAT THE... *relax* *calm down* i seriously can't believe YOU ARE THIS KIND OF PEOPLE DE LORRRR!!!!*relax**relax*

day 4

OMG. what an awesome day spent with le two cute peeps! took bus + cable up to the beautiful mountain peak, GENTING HIGHLANDS. WOW! hasn't been riding cable car for years. my last ride was... 15 years ago? OMG. i was like freaking scared. almost cried out man! don't know why i so weird, dare to ride on the scariest rides, but i don't dare to ride on a cable car...@@ HAHA another day full of laughter and joy!! HAHAHAHAHA no matter the rides were scary or not, i just scream my lungs out! even the rides that litte kid plays. HAHA people were staring at us, thought that we were 2 mad women! HAHAHA obviously were kimmy and i. nahhh, that agnes don't dare to play. so only both of us. HAHAHA she's the one helping us taking photos. HAHAHA LOL OMG. i can't believe i was brave enough to try everything!!! EVERYTHING! even the flying coaster, corkscrew, and the 跳楼机. last time wasn't able to play coz my height.. is limited. HAHA SHORT la!! finally got a chance to take the ride! trying hard to persuade the two of them, but they don't wanna try the scariest one... -.- aiks.@@ the weather was shoooooo cold. i'm like a popsicle...>< lips turned purple, body freezed! LOL HAHAHA but it was fun! HEHE the weather was fine almost the entire day, but till 3.30pm started raining like cats and dogs. haiz. the last game we never try was the go karts.   i miss the weather there though it's a little too cold. at least is better than the SUPER-HOT weather here in kl, i'm like barbecue-ed...@@

i have been ignoring you for the entire day. trying very hard to not think what has happened recently between us. but till late nights, when i'm going to bed, lying on my pillow, closing my eyes, flashes of you appearing inside. i just couldn't sleep. another sleepless night. has been insomnia for 3 weeks. i don't know what can i do to resolve the whole situation now. how i wish  i can dry up my tears, cut off my tear gland. then i don't need to cry? trying hard to pretend i'm fine. if we weren't decide to begin, at least we both wouldn't be in pain right now? i'm lost and confused. please.. please.. please.. how i wish after a sleep, everything turns like an ordinary day, no fights, no sad, no pain, no hurts..etc i'm sick of this kind of life. OH MAN!! i wanna get some sleep... why can't i?

day 5
i planned to had a picnic and fly kite during the weekend.): but too bad.. SBFF didn't answer. guess they were busy. so another wish just call off-ed again. as the plan was ruin, thank god i've got another back up! HAHAHA agnes planned to sing k with a few drama club's friends.(:as i have nothing to do, of course i said YESSS to it!!!! HAHAHA the singing was okay.. HAHA.. but i think the food wasn't clean.. had diarrhoea.. another fruitful day!!
weeheeee:P OHH YEAHHH! 

i don't know what to do, what to say, what to continue. but i'm thankful and grateful that i have many friends. friends to talk to, friends to share burden, friends to cry on, friends to lean on, friends to trust on, friends to encourage. no matter what the result is going to be, thank you so much for everything!

great week spent with awesome people, cool events, memorable moments!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL <3

you can smell my happiness is in the air

the revision look of mine

right after my last paper!

HAHA see how big difference in a student when he/she has holidays and exams! it's totally a BIG CONTRAST~~~ HAHAHA OMG. i took a year to exam. didn't really get to celebrate christmas and new year though i went to many parties laa.. still, stress what!! (X HAHAHA i'm finally freeeeeee :P OHH YEAHH!!! can't wait to fulfill all my holiday plans!!!! here I come! :D 

breath deeply like you have never breathe before!!

take a look of me when i was 15 years back!!! HOW ADORABLE! HEHE

'say cheese'

OMG. i just finished my 2nd last paper!!! weee! :D the 'Charmaine-you-are-a-Ms.-Awesome-ness' feeling is sooooooooooooooo GOOD!!! HAHAHA hmmm.. has a good sense for my accounts result.. well, not to say 100% marks.. HEHE shhhh.. at least, overall, i guess this will be the best result.. no choice, but I really have to admit, I LOVE ACCOUNTS! for now, this second, this minute, this hour, this moment! HAHAHA :P well, have a short break now, listen to some songs to gain some energy! HEHE 1 more paper to go and i'm going to be FREE!!! WOOTS! awesomeeee :D LE PARTY is waiting for me~~~ HEHE ohhh yeahhh!!! woo la laaa~~~

here comes a list of ma plans for da coming vacation!
week 1
mon: last paper! ECON you zhitz!!! pool with friends :D
tues: movie marathon + buffet booked! with family :P
wed: genting trip with collegemates
thurs: genting trip with collegemates
fri: genting trip with bestie
sat: picnic + fly kite at kepong
sun: mount climbing

(Sad... back to topshop again!!pissed!><)
week 2
mon: topshop 
tues: topshop
wed: topshop
thurs: topshop
fri: no plans yet, you can book me.. HEHE
sat: no plans yet, you can book me..
sun: no plans yet, you can book me..

week 3

mon: topshop 
tues: topshop
wed: topshop
thurs: topshop
fri: no plans yet, you can book me..
sat: no plans yet, you can book me..
sun: no plans yet, you can book me..

week 4

mon: topshop 
tues: topshop
wed: topshop
thurs: topshop
fri: no plans yet, you can book me..
sat: no plans yet, you can book me..
sun: no plans yet, you can book me..

call me if you wanna book me.(:
here's my number!!
999 :D

there goes my 1 month holiday..):
WHY-SO-SHORT?

you are not capable to heal a broken heart

When I close my eyes I think of you
And the time we've had been through
Even though were for apart right now


I remember back when you were here with me
How you've make my world complete
But now I'm left alone

We talked about love and hope
Wishing we could start a life our own
I wish that I could live without you

Why did you tear my heart apart
You said you'll love me from the start
All those painful things you've put me through
But I'm still loving you


I've tried to give my best to youI don't deserve the things you do
Everything has gone to memories 
I just wish I knew the truth behind the lies
Why did you tear my heart apart
You said you'll love me from the startAll those painful things you've put me through
But I'm still loving you


I've tried to give my best to you
I don't deserve the things you do
Everything has gone to memories
I just wish I knew the truth
Behind the lies